Linda Acaster

WRITER, TUTOR, COACH

TESTING TIMES

There’s nothing the matter with my writing. I’ve proofread and checked and it’s fine.

But is it? Let’s equate this to people who consistently misspell words without realising. There is little point suggesting that they use a dictionary. If they thought they might be spelling words incorrectly they would reach for a dictionary without being told. The whole problem is that they believe they are spelling correctly.

Can you recognise mistakes in text when confronted by them, and know how to correct them? Try this piece of writing for size – and no scrolling down to see how many mistakes you should be looking for until you’ve marked them.

The cat sat on the mat. It was inordinately tidy and keeps lickin’ his paws; dying for it’s saucer of milk! Jess thought it a noughty pus and pinched its tale very very hard

So how many did you recognise? Try these for size:

The cat sat on the mat.

There’s nothing wrong here. Don’t get paranoid.

It was inordinately tidy

What was tidy? The mat or the cat? Are you sure it was inordinately tidy, or is that adverb just pompously taking up space?

and keeps lickin’

lickin’? Incorrect register. If the entire text had been written in this slang, or shorthand dialect form, it would not matter, but as it stands it is out of keeping with the rest of the paragraph.

lickin’ his paws

Either the cat is an it or a he. It shouldn’t be both in the same piece of text.

his paws; dying for it’s saucer of

Punctuation mistakes. The English language is a fluid tool and so is its punctuation, but only up to a certain point. As a rule of thumb – a very good measure when writing fiction – a semi-colon (;) butt-joints two closely related sentences. In this example all to the left of the semi-colon might be a full sentence, but all to the right is just a phrase. The punctuation needed here is a comma. The apostrophe in it’s is misused. It’s is a contraction of it is. Its is the possessive form. Here the saucer of milk belongs to the cat. If you are confused, check out the article That Dreaded Apostrophe.

dying for it’s saucer of milk!

Let’s be sure about this. Was the cat thirsty, or was it dying? This is the writer stepping on to the page and elaborating beyond the required, complete with exclamation mark in an attempt to add weight to a phrase which was exclaimed by no one. It should be replaced by a full-stop.

Jess thought it a noughty pus

An inflamed zero oozing a green discharge? Try a naughty puss.

naughty puss and pinched its

Here comes the fluidity of English punctuation. Old timers will say that a comma is required …puss, and… because one separate action is followed by another separate action, yet modern users will dispute this rule. You pays your money…

its tale very very hard

Agreed, it is a long-winded tale. I’m sure the cat would prefer its tail pinched not at all but, if it should be so abused, let it be pinched very, very hard. (complete with full-stop)

Take another look at your own text to ensure what you’ve written is what you meant to write.